Mailbag

To my great pleasure the mailman visited my little blog here for the first time the other day. To say that I was excited to receive my first piece of electronic mail would be a dramatic understatement. And let me tell you, I was not dissapointed. In fact, I was flattered to discover that the wonders of the internet age has brought the shining light of this blog to even the darkest corners of the Great lakes region.

So without further ado, let me present to you, dearest reader, the first missive from the depths of the internet to our corner of the world.

hey illinois ultimate blogger,

let's just say that i'm a college ultimate player in your region and i was directed to your site by a friend of mine. anyways, i've been reading up on your blog and i got to say that it - like your team - totally sucks.

first of all, i've seen your team play this summer/year and i gotta say i'm not impressed. personally, i thought you were overrated last year and i think youre overrated this year too. i'm sure you'd say the same about my team though, so lets call it a push.

basically, i just wanted to let you know that your blog is terrible. youre not funny, youre not witty, and you know nothing about ultimate. you talk like youre the shit and i'd bet my left nut that you are just some scrub who rides the bench.

i've been trying to think about all the illinois players i've seen in the last couple years and i thought you might be that #10 handler but i'm not sure if he graduated or not. and if youre not him, then you are clearly the second dumbest person to ever play for illinois ultimate.

you should read a real blog like the one wisconsin puts out. they know ultimate. you clearly don't.

anyway, if i knew who you were then i'd say "see you on the field" but since you want to hide your identity like a true loser then i guess i'll just have to sky every one of you when we meet up. i'll be the one with the nuts in your mouth.

Now that all you illinois ultimate blog faithful have had a chance to revel in the beauty of this our first email (go ahead and read it again, if you'd like), let's take a moment to break it down piece by wonderfully pathetic piece.

let's just say that i'm a college ultimate player in your region and i was directed to your site by a friend of mine. anyways, i've been reading up on your blog and i got to say that it - like your team - totally sucks.

why would "we" say that you are "a college ultimate player in [our] region"? Either you are or you aren't. Apparently you're not able to tell. I'm guessing that's because you are less a "player" and more of a "scrub." To be more clear, Its probably more likely for me to find you competing for the spirit award at your local rec league than to see you on the line in a game at regionals. Nice 25-yard bladey flick "huck" to the dude in the skirt! maybe you'll make the b-team next year - keep running hard, rudy.

and what's this "friend" of yours think about you hating illinois so much? not such a great friend are you? probably about as good of a friend as you are an ultimate player. If any of you Illinois ultimate players out there have friends at gl schools who have read this, who have apparently seen us play this summer and fall, then maybe its time to start realizing that this friend is a weasel.



So, great lakes reader, apparently you are not much of an ultimate player and not much of a friedn either...

i've been trying to think about all the illinois players i've seen in the last couple years and i thought you might be that #10 handler but i'm not sure if he graduated or not. and if youre not him, then you are clearly the second dumbest person to ever play for illinois ultimate.

Well at least we can agree on one thing, pappy's an idiot. If there's one thing this blog can stand behind its that pappy is the single dumbest person to have ever played for illinois (i love you, pappy!).


And how don't you know his name? Check out the hardware, sucker: http://www.upa.org/college/all-region/2007

you should read a real blog like the one wisconsin puts out. they know ultimate. you clearly don't.

Are you kidding? I've put up like 5 posts that are mostly full of jokes and you're comparing me to the write-down-every-single-point-of-every-game-we've-ever-played hodag blog? really? ok. I mean, this blog is still better, but whatever. At least my eyes don't bleed when i look at how much text is on the page.

anyway, if i knew who you were then i'd say "see you on the field" but since you want to hide your identity like a true loser then i guess i'll just have to sky every one of you when we meet up. i'll be the one with the nuts in your mouth.

you can keep your nuts away from anyone's mouth as far as this blog is concerned.


but if you ever decide to reveal yourself and own up to your ridiculous claim, then i'm sure that we'd all like to see you try to sky jman or chuck or anyone else on illinois for that matter.


but that's obviously not happening bc you are a sally who would rather spend his time posting shit on another team's blog rather than hitting the weights and doing what it takes to win.

while we're talking about you insulting the team,

basically, i just wanted to let you know that your blog is terrible. youre not funny, youre not witty, and you know nothing about ultimate. you talk like youre the shit and i'd bet my left nut that you are just some scrub who rides the bench.

First of all, can we quit talking about nuts. I mean, geez. what's the preoccupation?

secondly, on the outside chance that joel writes this blog, you look rediculous for even writing that. let's go over the players in the region that can get open on joel:

1. nobody
2. no one
3. ...


But, even if i am "just some scrub who rides the bench," that basically makes me better than you whatever team you play for. THis is a great time for me to do my great lakes season preview:

illinois-looks really good, only losing pappy, returning a ton of seniors and fifth years.
michigan-will be really good, good bet for the #1 come regionals
nd-sucks
northwestern-sucks
mich st-sucks
everyone else-sucks

And i know your not from michigan bc i can see where the pageviews come from, so have a good season, sucker.